Category: Expecting

The best room environment for sleep

1/6/2021

Your baby's room plays an important role in sleep. Now, I don't actually think the picture is a good representation of a good sleeping environment, but it looks nicer than a completely black picture!

Your child's room environment for sleep is a positive sleep prop to help promote sleep. When your baby wakes up at night, these factors help calm the mind and body to help go back to sleep. These tips not only help babies sleep, but also us as adults too! To encourage the best sleep for any age, an ideal room should:

Be dark - so dark, in fact, that you can barely see your own hand in front of your face! Use blackout curtains or double up your curtains to block out any light from outside. If you need to use a light at night, it's best to use a red or yellow tinted light.

Be cool - 16 to 20 degrees Celsius / 65 to 72 degrees Fahrenheit depending on the season. Our body temperature drops naturally at night, which helps set the stage for our bodies.

Have white noise - a dull sound that helps drown out any other noises. Use a sound machine or a fan. Fans can serve two purposes: they produce a dull sound and also keep the room cool. I really like Relaxing White Noise Sounds for Baby Sleep (click to be taken to the album).

Have a sleeping buddy - once your baby can hold an object, give them a blanket or stuffed animal (I love the combo blanket with a stuffed animal head). Make sure to put this next to your baby every time s/he sleeps (naps and nights), but don't use this as a toy. At first, the sleeping buddy should only be associated with sleep! Once your child associates this with sleep, then they can use it during the day as well.

If some of this sounds strange, remember that your baby came from inside the womb where it was dark, the perfect temperature, and had a constant whooshing sound. Re-make your baby's room to be as womb-like as possible and you'll have more success with sleep. This theory even applies to adults! If you have trouble sleeping, try out this room environment too.

Visit the Parent Resources page for more tips to help your kiddo sleep! Or get in touch if you have more questions.

This post is taken from my book, Happy Sleeping Baby ~ Your Guide for Sleep Success, ! Want to order the book? Use the form below:

Photo by Bastien Jaillot on Unsplash

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“Happily ever after … becoming parents” – what happens to your marriage after the baby arrives

9/1/2020

Guest post by Polya Rosin, Sweden’s #1 Relationship Strategist

To have a child is a miracle, right? I doubt there is a mom out there who could name a bigger source of joy and love than her kids.

Most couples dream of the day when they become parents, take birthing classes, read parenting books. And little do they prepare for what is to happen to their relationship, once the baby arrives.

Did anyone tell you what to expect in your relationship with your spouse once you become parents? Did anyone give you tools and strategies for how to survive and thrive together, not just as parents, but as lovers, as friends, as a happy couple?
How much research, time or money did you invest in your relationship, preparing to become parents? My guess is little to none. And yet the biggest impact on your baby’s wellbeing comes from you and your spouse, and the quality of your marriage.
So, let’s look at what happens after the baby (or more babies) comes into your family:

1. Your spouse and your relationship just went from #1 to #10 in the priority list and that is hard to accept – nobody likes to see they no longer matter much

2. Your sleep is messed up – you must have heard that before and yet, the impact lack of sleep has on couples is less spoken of. It does not only make couples irritable and prone to spats and arguments but also decreases work performance, self-confidence and overall health. Not to mention the drive for romance and passion…

3. Your privacy is … well,.. not existent – with babies and small kids around, going to the loo is a family event and taking a shower feels like a speed contest. That looks like a big stress factor, doesn’t it?

4. Personal space and “me time” are more of a dream than a reality – and if you have no time for yourself, how can you talk about time for your man, for intimacy or passion?

5. Peer pressure becomes the cherry on top of the self-doubt cake – most mums and most families feel tremendous peer pressure, start to look at what others do. And “keeping up with the Joneses” or the “Kardashians” really helps the self-esteem, doesn’t it? Yes, joking here but you get the point, don’t you?

6. Social isolation – now that’s a bummer.

7. Exhaustion – “It’s just a growth phase, it will pass!”, if I hear this one more time, I might just check myself into a mental clinic. For most families, parenting is an endless string of tantrums, sleepless nights, chores, infections…. So how can anyone make time for dates, love, passion?

8. Lack of intimacy – well, that should come as no surprise by now, shouldn’t it? Intimacy is about how free you feel to be yourself with your spouse and for your spouse to be free to be himself/herself. But with the lack of sleep, exhaustion, self-doubts, irritability and endless chores, how does one even have the patience to just be with the other person, to listen without judgement? Intimacy is like oxygen. Without it, any relationship suffocates…

9. Low sex drive – there are those lucky few who feel a boost in their sex drive after the baby arrives but let’s face it, most of you hardly find time to go to the loo and have no energy to even shower or shave your legs, so sex drive?! Hm…

10. Romance just went out of the window – well, yeah. After an evening with tantrums, a dozen laundry loads and a night with bad sleep, who feels up for romance?

11. The past rears its ugly head – now that is a big one and certainly an issue that is least spoken of. When you become a parent, you are likely to start to re-live your childhood and see certain childhood issues transfer themselves into your relationship with your spouse. Lack of unconditional love from childhood, abandonment, arguments between parents and “traditional mom-dad roles” suddenly make their way into the new parents life. And.. yes, there is more… Many parents start to reflect on what they lost becoming parents – perhaps career opportunities, perhaps a great body and perfect physical shape, perhaps social life, perhaps intimacy, passion… The focus on what is missing may cloud the way you look at your spouse and makes it hard to speak to each other with empathy and compassion.

12. Mother- Wife-Father-Husband-Friend-Lover-Muse-Professional, perfectionist, high achiever or free spirit? The struggle to combine the different roles is real.

13. And to spice things up – arguments, resentment and blame come in to play. It is hard to take back harsh words, insults, hurt. And let’s face it, raising kids and keeping up a home is hardly ever a 50-50 so at any time point, there is always someone who gives more. And with all the points above, this can lead to resentment and blame.

For expats, many of these issues are exacerbated due to lack of support from the grandparents or extended family, lack of close friends, differences in culture, language and societal norms, perceived limitations in opportunities for work, socialising, etc. And research shows most mixed marriages are at a higher risk of separation and divorce. Personally, I believe that mixed marriages have more opportunities, creativity and “out-of-the-box” resources to not only survive and thrive during the young parents stage but also to create lasting satisfaction and fun in marriage. But well, I am an expat, in a mixed relationship with multi-culti kids so you may call me biased

So, with all these things in the mix, how do you create your “happily ever after becoming parents”?

Here are a few tried and tested tips:

1. Think and act as a team – divide and conquer, and if the other person drops the ball, pick it up without blame. Invest in each other – time, energy, money, love. My personal moto is “whatever works” so throw away all the traditional norms, others’ expectations and “the Joneses and Kardashians” and do what works for you!

2. Keep the flame of romance and passion – and the key to that is intimacy, and the key to that is vulnerability. Tap into compassion and empathy. Be kind to yourself, first and foremost. Ensure you feel well, ensure your needs are met. And only then can you be strong enough to be present, supportive and kind to your spouse.

3. Set boundaries for you as a couple – I know you might feel like sending your biggest cooking pot on its way to my head as you read this but bear with me here and keep an open mind, ok? We live in a society that is very child-centred. There is so much pressure that you put your child first but there is a BIG problem with that notion. If you sacrifice yourself, your partner or your relationship in the process, your child will actually suffer. Safety aside, the best thing for a child is a happy home! And if “mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” or as some put it, happy wife – happy life.

4. Praise your partner in public! And apologise in public! – a compliment is 100x more powerful if you say it in public. Lead by example.

5. Always align your parenting strategies – this is another one where you might feel like throwing a pan in my direction but again, “Do it now. Believe it later.” So, listen up! The agreement between parents is more important than what they agree on. Food, sweets, screen time, sleep time, discipline, learning – to your child, it matters more that you agree than what you actually agree on. Research data on what food and routine is best for your child changes all the time, so don’t get stuck on the latest research and set your rules by that. Find out what you and your partner can agree on and then make that the rule.

How can you apply these tips to your relationship and create your “happily ever after”? Here is a present for all of the readers of this blog – a bonus 50 min, personal strategy call with Polya Rosin, Sweden’s #1 Relationship Strategist. Normally, this comes at a price of 1500 SEK but for you, readers – it is FREE! This is a one-time, limited offer so take this chance to boost the connection with your partner, to see how you can bring in more intimacy in your marriage and to talk about the strategies to help you become a strong, united parenting team

Book your complimentary call strategy session at:
https://polyarosin.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=8738603

Polya Rosin helps couples create healthy relationships for a happy life. Polya is She is a certified coach and a scientist with over 11 years of experience in health and wellbeing. She is a mum of three kids, an expat since the age of 18, she has a multicultural bonus family and is a strong advocate for passionate life and happy families.

Visit the Parent Resources page for more tips to help your kiddo sleep! Or get in touch if you have more questions.

You’re Pregnant! Here are the must-knows when it comes to the next 9 months!

3/13/2017

From the time you find out you are pregnant until the day the baby arrives is a time filled with changes and preparations. Here is a (short) list of must-know highlights of what to expect!

The first trimester (Months 1-3)

Month 1 (weeks 1-4)

Your body will begin to change from day 1 starting with breast tenderness, possible light spotting, cramping, fatigue, food cravings, and many emotions! You won’t look pregnant but it might be the only thing you can think about!
Now it’s time to avoid alcohol, deli meats, uncured meats (as may contain listeria), uncooked or raw fish and meat (yes, that means sushi that can cause toxoplasmosis), smoked fish (listeria, see above), raw eggs (salmonella), soft cheeses (brie, Camembert, Roquefort, feta, Gorgonzola as these may contain listeria) and wash all fruits and vegetables (again, toxoplasmosis).
Look for pasteurized cheeses, milk products and juice. Fresh juice can be unpasteurized so look at the label.
Limit caffeine to less than 200 mg a day. Generally one coffee per day is fine.
Take a prenatal vitamin with folic acid. Folic acid helps to prevent neural tube defects.
If you aren’t exercising, now is the time to start. Begin with walks or light workouts.
Think about how much stress you experience and then reduce it!
Log in some extra sleep! It’s hard work growing a baby!

Month 2 (weeks 5-8)

Again, breast tenderness, possible light spotting, cramping, fatigue, food cravings, and many emotions!
Your breasts may start to enlarge at this time.
See the food list above and memorize it!
You might start to feel more bloated.
Nausea might start to kick in.

Month 3 (weeks 9-13)

You could be feeling a bit more dizzy or light headed now. Be sure to take it easy and sit down if you feel this way.
Your appetite may be increasing! Or decreasing if you are having nausea or “morning sickness” that can last all day. Try pressing on the insides of your wrists if you feel nauseous or use motion sickness bands.
Constipation. Use fiber. ‘Nuff said.
Headaches are common. There are so many changes in your body taking place!
You might be getting used to the fact that you are pregnant!

Follow your growing baby with this fascinating week-by-week picture timeline!

The second trimester (Months 4-6)

During the second trimester you’ll most likely have the most energy but, everyone is different. Now you’ll start to look pregnant and really start to feel pregnant too! But you still may be wearing your normal clothes; they are just getting a bit tight!

Month 4 (weeks 14-17)

Swelling of the ankles, feet, hands and face are common.
Nasal congestion is also quite common.
You still might experience some nausea and dizziness.
Headaches, indigestion, farts, and bloating are all part of the joys of pregnancy!
Bleeding gums might occur when brushing your teeth, it’s ok.
Same with occasional nose bleeds. This is due to the increased blood flow in your body. It’s also the cause of the pregnancy glow you have!
You could be having a swing of happiness and then sadness all within a few minutes. You aren’t going crazy, those are just your hormones going crazy.
Everything in regards to eating, exercise, stress, caffeine, and sleep all still apply.
Your baby is the size of a small apple! Its lungs are breathing amniotic fluid, blood is pumping through its circulatory system, and the kidneys are filtering urine.

Follow your baby’s growth with these cool week-by-week pictures!

Month 5 (weeks 18-21)

Your body is continuing to grow and things pretty much stay the same other than an increased appetite. Watch that you don’t start “eating for two.” Most women only need to increase their calorie intake by 300-500 calories. Maintain a healthy diet with some indulgences, of course! Keeping a healthy weight is important for you and baby in regards to diabetes, blood pressure, and overall health.
You may experience backaches and trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. A body pillow is a good support option. Try to sleep on your left side as it helps circulation.
You may experience your eyes becoming blurry. This typically goes away after the baby is born.
When wearing a seat belt, be sure the belt is across your lap and not over your belly. For a shoulder harness, be sure the belt is between the breasts and at the top of the belly.
Changes in your baby include tiny tooth buds that are popping up in your baby’s mouth!

Month 6 (weeks 22-26)

Drink lots of water to keep up with the increased blood volume in your body, process nutrients, develop new cells, and regulate body temperature.
If you have swelling in your legs, be sure to elevate them as much as possible when sitting.
All rules in regards to eating and exercise still apply!
You might only be able to fit through tight spaces walking forward instead of sideways now, if you haven’t already reached this point!
Talk with your partner about how life will change. Share excitement and worries about the changes ahead.
Move that mama body! Exercise helps prepare your body for birth, reduce stress, and keep those happy hormones flowing!
If you haven’t already, you might be feeling the baby or babies moving!
You might experience aches in your lower back and abdomen from your ligaments stretching and losing in preparation for birth.
Inside your belly your baby’s eyes are able to open and fingers and toes have prints on them!
Eating too much in general and before bedtime can increase heartburn. Have five or six small meals during the day to help reduce heartburn.
Start looking into attending a birthing class or types of birth methods now!
Don’t forget to take some time with your partner! Go to dinner or take a short baby-moon trip! Some airlines allow women to fly up to 36 weeks but others may restrict travel at 28 weeks.

The third trimester (Months 7-9)

Month 7 (weeks 27-30)

Congrats! You are in the home stretch!
You’re probably feeling quite pregnant now with cramps, swelling, shortness of breath, difficulty sleeping, backache, nasal congestion, clumsiness, constipation, headaches, and indigestion. Sounds awesome, huh?!
But it’s all worth it because inside of you is a beautiful baby who is becoming more aware of light, sound, and touch!
Watch your step as your balance may be off a bit. Your center of gravity is much different now so take it a little slower!
Remember to work on any breathing techniques you plan to use during birth.

Month 8 (weeks 31-35)

The final stretch! So close but so far away still!
Rest, rest, and get more rest. Take this time to get a facial, massage, or extra sleep. Trust me and a billion other mom’s when we say to just do it! You are busy but taking care of yourself is extremely important right now.
Your baby and uterus fills most of your torso right now. Your size may be completely different that other mom who is 8 months pregnant. Don’t compare as each person and pregnancy is different!
Swelling and pain in your wrists (carpal tunnel syndrome) is very common. Try not to cross your legs (if you can still)! The extra fluid in your body causes pressure on nerves which results in tingling sensations in your body.
Your baby can hear distinct sounds now so say hi often!
You’ll continue to put on weight but by this point it will be more because the baby is gaining weight and preparing for birth.
Continue to eat an extra 300-500 calories and drink plenty of water.

Month 9 (weeks 36-40+)

This is it, the final weeks! It can feel like an eternity at this point so do your best to get outside for walks, hit the gym if you can, put your feet up, read a book, or watch some movies! You won’t be doing these things for a while after the baby is born!
Your baby may start to feel as if it’s getting lower in your abdomen. This is due to your baby dropping lower into the birth canal as it prepares for entering the world soon!
Braxton-Hicks contractions are very common and your belly may tighten for 30 seconds and then relax. Your muscles are preparing your birth too!
If you haven’t thought about how to contact your partner when the time comes, then you might want to consider having a plan in place…..just a thought……
Get all final preparations done, such as washing baby’s clothes, washing sheets, stocking up on diapers, preparing some meals to put in the freezer, and having plenty of clean clothes for you too!
Your baby has toe and finger nails now and her reflexes are developed to be able to blink, grasp an object and respond to sound and lights!
Although it’s difficult, try hard to not count the minutes and seconds during this time. Meet with friends and chat with other moms-to-be to take your mind off of your due date!

What’s next!

Now is the time to prepare yourself for the first several weeks with your newborn. A Happy Sleep Plan will give you the knowledge to get you and your baby sleeping and feeling great in no time! A Happy Sleep Plan includes:

60-minute consult to explain sleep cycles, stages, routines, and answer questions
Ideal routine for your newborn
Four follow-up e-mails, no expiration
Happy Sleep group on Facebook for parents

Want more information about helping your baby sleep? Use my sleep book which has everything you need to know about sleep! Learn more here.

Visit the Parent Resources page for sample schedules and more tips to help your kiddo sleep! Or get in touch if you have more questions.